That's intense
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
