He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
