dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
