If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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