he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
