well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
