Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
it's great music for shaving your balls
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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