meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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