Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
i out mim tonsoeep
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
