so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
