I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
My vagina is very pro this idea
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
