Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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