So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I need a beard to bite.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
