Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I think I sprained my soul last night
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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