my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
