I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
