Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
