going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
