Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
