If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize