But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
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