I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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