you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
