2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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