I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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