I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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