My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
