Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
