So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize