I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
So. Much. Porn.
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