For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
