Can i not drive my cunt home
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
