My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize