My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
