i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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