nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Randomize
