At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
