Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
