I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
