Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
