why didn't you poke me back
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
