I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
