nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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