Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
