Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
organizing the empties. That sober.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
