my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
