Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Sex in the backyard? Check.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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