my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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