"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Found the puke drawer
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
