don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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