Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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