before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
