Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
