I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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