HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
