If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Randomize
