Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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