Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize