Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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