this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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