Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Oh god it's open bar.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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